margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
