I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I want to make a zoo with you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
