The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
