Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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