Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
