Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
