So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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