I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
