the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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