dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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