I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want her autograph on my taint
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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