Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
