Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
