can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
