i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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