is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
