listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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