you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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