did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
