I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
