Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
