can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He did a backflip because drugs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
