She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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