I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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