im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Randomize
