She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
