Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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