a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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