ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
