And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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