Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
