Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Shame is for Republicans.
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