well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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