Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
