You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
