you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she smelled like a LAN party
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
