It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
