in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
