the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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