She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
