He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
