You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
