I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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