wat bout pragnant strippers??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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