I am spending my child support on dildos
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
