There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
