Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
