Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
