everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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