explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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