he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
