see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
